Why do we cling to our job titles? How do we truly unravel ourselves from our jobs, knowing where one ends and the other begins?
My client was just forewarned her prestigious job will disappear within the month. Now she supervises 45 people. Later she’ll be supervising six people. Now she’s in the heat of the operation – adrenalin is rushing everywhere – it’s flowing so swiftly there’s no telling whose adrenalin it is! She’s worried she’ll be marginalized. She’s worried people will see her on her way out the door – one step closer to retirement. Is she?
So many of us Americans define ourselves by the jobs we have. Not so in Europe. Here at a cocktail party our first question is, “What do you DO?” Not so elsewhere.
If we’re not our jobs, who are we? That’s the question we explored today. And even though my client has wanted to leave this job for the many months we have been coaching, today she’s clinging to it as if it were her own Linus security blanket (the blanket the Peanuts character carries forever). Her current job is tattered and worn and she’s worn out from doing it, but as it’s being taken away she feels like a part of herself is being pulled from her as well.
She’ll need to do her inner work as she ventures from here to her new job. She’ll need to keep her bearings and her perspective. It’s not thinking about the man who is taking over her job has been lying in wait, preparing for a time to pounce. Rather, it’s time to pass her baton to another person. It’s not thinking of her new job as having less importance; it’s seeing this new job as providing new opportunities for her to grow.
There’s no ritual in her office for moving through this change. She’s decided to create a variety of rituals for herself and others. That will help her mark the change with dignity.
As her advocate and her coach, I find it difficult to stand by her side and see her so torn up about this. I see the opportunity in this move for her. I see it providing so much of what she’s been yearning for – and yet, it’s up to her to see this. She must turn the corner and see the opportunities ahead. I wonder if it’s really so necessary for her to experience this job change with such angst.
A speaker I heard characterized workers today needing to be like lava lamps, ever in the flow and ready to shape shift in a moment’s notice. According to him, these are the people who will survive in organizations in the 21st Century.
How many of us are truly ready to be so malleable?
Often it’s helpful to have an extreme example to prove a point. Recently, when a family member was having a challenging time at work, I recommended their reading A Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankel. That recommendation prompted me to listen to an audio recording of the book. It was like reading the book again!
Frankel, if you remember, was a prestigious Austrian psychologist who was swept up in the holocaust. His book is part autobiography and part textbook, serving as his introduction to his unique form of psychotherapy, Logo therapy.
He tells the tale as vividly as one can imagine, of being stripped of everything upon entry into the concentration camp – even his hair. And in this state, he could only find a perspective that would lead to sanity so he could survive.
Next to Frankel’s experience, my client’s experience pales in comparison. But the author’s suggestions can be useful for either situation. If they helped him survive his circumstance with his sanity in tact, perhaps they have something to teach those of us who find ourselves losing the identity we have spent so many years building up.
Frankel found that try as they may, the Nazis could not take away the very essence of who he was. Everything beyond that was superfluous. Everything beyond his skin and bones and his very being could be reconstructed again. What was more precious to him than anything else was his being – and that could not be taken away – unless he conspired to allow them to take it away.
Faced with a changing workplace we must resist our temptation to cling to the way the situation used to be. We need to be open to finding the opportunities inherent in the new situation.
We must consider a job title as something transient – not meaningful in the scheme of things – after all – remember how much we cared about every grade in school – what showed up on the transcript? For anyone who has been out of school for any length of time a transcript is apt to be a distant memory – and that once embarrassing grade hasn’t shown up on the radar screen for years. It’s important to take the same perspective about a job and its title. Years down the road, we’ll wonder what all the fuss has been about. For now we have to be patient with ourselves and remember what is really important.
One can find ways to put his or her own stamp on any job, no matter what the title. My suggestion to my clients is to do so. Don’t let someone else’s definition define you. Remember, no matter what title you’re called, how many people report to you or not, you are still you – and above all else it’s possible to find the good in your new circumstance – only if you look for it.
Melanie Keveles MA, CPCC, MCC, master certified coach, has been a career and outplacement consultant, trainer and writer for more than 20 years. Based in Superior, Wisconsin, she coaches clients seeking career satisfaction, wanting to launch entrepreneurial ventures or aspiring to get published. You can reach her to set up a complimentary phone session at melanie@startingfreshcoaching.com; at 715.394.4260, Useful Link Starting Fresh Coaching. Her forthcoming book Scrappy Startups tells inspiring stories of profitable entrepreneurs.
Please feel free to reprint this article as long as the following bio (and link to my site) is included with the article. Melanie Keveles helps people make long-forgotten dreams come true. A master certified coach, she's helped her clients find greater career satisfaction, launch entrepreneurial ventures, and get their books published. Do you have a dream that you keep yearning over? Call Melanie today and take the first step to realizing it. You can reach Melanie at , at 715.394.4260, via email at melanie@startingfreshcoaching.com or www.startingfreshcoaching.com.
You'll also want to read Melanie's upcoming book. Co-author of Fired for Success: How to Turn Losing Your Job into the Opportunity of a Lifetime! (Warner Books), Melanie is under contract with Praeger Books for a forthcoming book on entrepreneurial women, Scrappy Startups: How 15 Ordinary Women Turned their Unique Ideas into Profitable Business.
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Melanie Keveles Melanie Keveles collaborates with her clients for Career and Entrepreneurial Success through Dream, Courage, Action! It's really about getting focused on what you want your career to be, clearing the obstacles and getting into motion. Full Profile & Contact Information...
