Claiming Your Life as Your Own becomes especially important during periods of transition. Outgrowing a career, retiring, entering a new relationship, leaving an old relationship to be single again, becoming a parent or residing as an empty nester after raising a family - all of these and more are rites of passage that may throw us off balance and challenge us to reclaim our lives in a new way. That question – ‘Who am I…really?’ – can emerge once again.
We may respond to each life transition based on a belief we hold: Do we see ourselves as inferior, superior or equal to others? We may vacillate between feeling ‘less than’ or ‘better than.’ Each of us has a preferred default. Think back on your life. What has your stance been, particularly in times of stress?
To explain further, our ego part of us wants to ensure that we have a place in the world. It has a need to be special. To feel safe and feel good about ourselves is what the ego is all about. Because it is about affirming our value, the ego can be judgmental – judging ourselves and others. In other words, when we are comparing ourselves to others and judging ourselves accordingly, we are in the territory of our ego.
As the third child of three sisters, I learned about competition from an early age. I so wanted to be like my sisters and be able to do what they did, even though they were respectively four and five years older than I was. The reality is that I couldn’t keep up with them on every front – emotionally, physically, mentally and socially. Accordingly, I grew up believing I was inferior to them and strove to prove myself as a valuable human being. This perspective exhausted me and made those challenging, transitional times that naturally occur in life ripe with self-doubt. Those old messages would resurface periodically, creating angst instead of an inner confidence.
Many clients have come to me with their own ‘story’ that can vary in detail and, yet, have a very similar thread underneath. When comparing themselves to others, they made the decision that they needed to work hard to prove that they were okay by being good, interesting, nice, generous, loving, giving or perfect. Beneath it all, they didn’t feel good enough just as they were. They did not feel EQUAL. Or there were times when they felt superior which led to feeling disconnected from others or filled with blame.
What were the decisions that you made about yourself, depending on whether you felt better or less than others? How did the belief that you were either inferior or superior impact how you behaved….your relationships….your transitions…your life? Truthfully, what our ego wants more than anything else is to know that we are loved. We will never give our egos what is needed if we live in the land of competition along with the judgment and anxiety that follow. Loving all of who we are – our intrinsic value - is what is required from us. It is only then that our ego feels satisfied. We can then bask in self-acceptance.
Ask yourself: who am I? Allow your soul to answer. I am a child of God. My life is sacred because I am…period. Everyone else is equal, too, because we are all children of God - special in our own way. I look for the good in others. I look for the good in me.
Reverence for ourselves and others creates harmony and peace within us and leaves the door open for us to live fully from our hearts. Through every transition when you ask yourself the question, “Who am I,” what would be different if you responded with a clear and deep knowing that you are equal to everyone? What would your life look like…feel like…sound like? Take the time to imagine.
Make the decision today to stand in the perspective: I am equal. You are equal. I am equal. You are equal. I am equal. You are equal. ……. And celebrate a new day.
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Jeannie Campanelli Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D, CPCC, is deeply committed to sparking the hearts of people to experience an inner confidence - that sense of wholeness, aliveness, and serenity that comes from deeply knowing yourself, fully accepting the lightness and darkness of being human, and living freely by standing in your own truth. Full Profile & Contact Information...
