I have an old gas fireplace in my current apartment. When I first moved in, I accidentally turned off the pilot light and did not know how to reignite it. My landlady said that the gas company would have to come and fix it, making me extremely careful all winter not to accidentally turn it off again . . . until last weekend. I called my landlady who suggested that her male friend look at it.
Hold on. The problem just went from one a skilled technician had to fix, to something that a male friend could figure out. Something in me shifted. What would make her male friend feel more qualified to troubleshoot an old gas fireplace than a mechanical engineer who had spent the past decade in manufacturing?
I hopped off my couch and approached the fireplace ready to battle Goliath. I pushed a bit here, I pulled a bit there, no luck. Then I checked the right side and sheepishly read the words 'Lighting Instructions'. Ten seconds later, I sat in front of a roaring fire, shaking my head in disbelief. What I realized as I slowly began to defrost was that I sat in that cold apartment for a week, by choice.
Where did I go wrong?
I chose to accept unquestioningly that someone else's 'too complicated' was my 'too complicated'. I chose to believe that I couldn't fix the problem, which I couldn't, until I decided that I could. As a result of my passive acceptance, I had chosen helplessness and lessened my personal effectiveness.
What is your default?
When you consistently decide that the challenges you face are too difficult, too big, too anything, without coming to that conclusion based on your own investigation and trial, you are choosing to live a less powerful life with diminished impact. You are giving your power away to the person with the "I can solve it" attitude instead of being that person. That is not to say you should never defer to a more qualified individual or that collaborating can’t be more fun and efficient. The question becomes: What is your default?
If you decide that you are choosing helplessness more often than you would like, the first step in breaking this pattern is to begin to pay attention to it. Notice how often you unquestioningly defer to the assessment of another, no more qualified, just more confident. Next ask yourself, if there were no other people around except for children who were depending on me to resolve this issue, what would I do? You are a resourceful and creative person, you have lots of options.
In the end, it is all about choices. There are those who choose to be empowered and live from the assumption that they can solve most problems until proven otherwise, and those who don't. It is a new day. Which kind of person do you choose to be?
Tara McDonough Tara McDonough, CPCC, is the owner of What’s Possible? an international coaching company which helps people expand and achieve their vision of what is possible. There is a place in coaching for wild imagining, as well as concrete planning, a time for in-depth discussion followed by bold action. Full Profile & Contact Information...
