Great spring-like weather here on the southern tip of Vancouver Island, BC. Invigorating sunrises and spectacular sunsets, with the full moon rising at the same time. It's not always like this, here, so I'm happy to appreciate it when it is.
One of the things that surprises many people when they talk to me about coaching, is that I don't just have a series of conversations with them about their "issues."
Instead, I try to help them determine what they want to create — and then develop and master the skills and structure to bring those things into being.
Doing so requires practice. Oh, yeah!
Practice may not may you perfect, but it is a necessary ingredient of real change and creating lasting results.
Many people don't like to hear that, at first. But as they begin to see/grasp the connection between their practice and their results, they start to get it. Practice is necessary, and, when it leads to results, much fun!
But what about when you practice and it doesn't lead to results?
That's what this issue addresses — how to do hard things, fail and still learn from your setbacks. This is perhaps the real key to real and lasting success.
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Learning From Setbacks; Creating Success
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“You may have a fresh start any moment you choose,
for this thing that we call failure is not the falling down,
but the staying down."
- Mary Pickford, Actress
There is a critical difference between the act of failing at something, and conclusions that you draw about that act, or yourself.
Those who stay down in the face of setback or failure often judge that they failed. They also judge that failure is bad, and to risk it again is foolish.
Moreover, many generalize from specific failures to conclusions such as "I AM a failure," and "I will ALWAYS fail". Therefore, they assume there is no point in getting up.
But they are wrong. There is always a point in getting up.
Failure Is Key To Creating Success
Failures, setbacks and mishaps do not have to define us. Nor do they, by themselves, have to determine our experience.
"Experience," said Aldous Huxley, "is not what happens to us. It is what we do with what happens to us."
If you learn from your mistakes, failing can be the quickest route to success.
Both old and new wisdom recommend numerous small, instructive failures. Failing, making corrections and trying again - i.e. trial and error - is one of the most powerful ways we learn, in art, sport, work, business, and life.
"Would you like me to give you a formula for... success?" wrote Thomas J. Watson, Founder of IBMI. "It's quite simple, really. Double your rate of failure. You're thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn't at all... you can be discouraged by failure — or you can learn from it. So go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because, remember that's where you'll find success. On the far side."
The ability to learn from mistakes and failures helps us transcend the “academic fallacy” that insight, understanding, is enough. Insight is great, but by itself often leads to no action, no mistakes, and no deep and practical learning.
“The sooner you make your first 5000 mistakes,” advisedan early writing teacher, who'd recognized my tendency to glorify insight, “the sooner you will learn to write.”
How To Learn From Mistakes
Between the failing, the correction and the trying again, come two important parts of the learning process: story shifting and choice.
When they fail, many people quickly choose an external story.
They tell themselves that failing wasn't their fault. Others or circumstances were to blame. “There's nothing I can do to change it,” they lament. So, stuck with their failing, they don't choose to try again. They stay down.
To learn how to cope with adversity and increase your emotional mastery, let go of the almost-automatic tendency to blame circumstances and other people. Instead, ask yourself these questions.
Do I want to change? To learn?
Do I want to be resilient, able to bounce back quickly from setbacks? And get up easily when I fall?
Am I willing to try new ways of explaining what happens to me? New stories?
If you answered "yes" to these questions, the next step is to formally choose to create and enjoy those qualities.
Say to yourself, "I choose to . . ." and then fill in the blank with the qualities you want.
Then notice how making those choices makes you feel. Most people report that they feel empowered, enthusiastic and hopeful. How about you?
If you read the last section and didn't make the choices, I suggest you re-read it and do the exercise. It could make a big difference in how you approach the rest of this article - and in how you deal with difficulties and setbacks in general.
Go on; try it. It won't hurt. And it could help!
Choose A Story That Supports Your Vision
Change external, blaming stories to internal, ownership stories, such as, “Perhaps I failed because I didn't prepare well enough,” or “Maybe I need more practice at this.”
Owning your choices, actions and results helps you to take power away from circumstances, and put it into your own hands. When you choose, you have more control. You can choose to try again, and again… until you succeed!
Owning your choices is key to creating success. Indeed, the philosopher Paul Tillich said, “Only at the moment of decision do we become fully human.”
But owing and making good choices can be difficult to do on your own, at least initially. That's why so many people in all walks of life seek the assistance of coaches.
People come to me not for answers, but for the skills and structure with which to create their own answers. I help my coaching clients identify stories that get in their way, and shift to stories that support them and their desired results.
Changing your stories is key because it leads to more effective action. Small choices and actions lead to small results, to patterns of success and to the skill and confidence to stretch for larger successes.
Deliberate Practice: Create and Adjust, Create and Adjust…
New research reported in the Harvard Business Report (HBR) shows that outstanding performance is the product of years of deliberate practice and coaching, not of any innate talent or skill.
As well as changing their stories, I also help people understand, practice, master and apply a results-driven, skill-based structure - an organizing framework - that makes it easier for them to learn from experience and mistakes. Working within this organizing framework, it is much easier to keep trying until they get it right.
I help them to create and adjust, create and adjust….
By taking action, learning from less-than-perfect results and making adjustments to actions, you can increase your skill level and your ability to craft results you want.
But, says K. Anders Ericsson, the author of the HBR article, “Not all practice makes perfect. You need a particular kind of practice - deliberate practice - to develop expertise.”
Deliberate practice involves sustained, specific attempts to do something that you can't, yet, do well. And lots of it - a minimum of 10,000 hours if you want to become expert in something. Less if you just want be good at if for daily life.
And it's not practicing what you already know how to do. Only by working at what you can't do, yet, can you increase your skill and expertise, and learn to do it.
Many people find that outside assistance from coaching makes it easier for them to deliberately practice long enough to get good at their desired skills and abilities.
Skill In Creating Increases Your Chances of Success
Creating is a skill that most of have, but don't know how to apply. It's intuitive, not a conscious. Therefore, it's difficult to apply to new situations and new results.
But you can learn to consciously create what matters.
Driven by vision, grounded in reality and focused on actions that embrace where you are now, and move you toward where you want to be, the creating framework can greatly increase your chances of success, even in challenging times and circumstances.
If you haven't yet been able to create the results (the life, work, business, book, art career, relationships, etc…) that you truly want, it gets tougher each day. These days, we all need all the help we can get!
That's why people reach out to teachers and results-focused coaches such as me.
In his HRB article, Ericsson quotes the world-class violin teacher, Ivan Galamian, who says, "If we analyze the development of the well-know artists, we see that in almost every case the success of their entire career was dependent on the quality of their practicing. In practically every case, the practicing was supervised either by the teacher or an assistant to the teacher."
By helping people master the skills and structure of creating, I help them discover and draw out the best in themselves — and apply it to what matters, in spite of the circumstances and adversity they face!
I help them bounce back from setbacks, practice deliberately,learn from experience and develop generic competence. Increasing their capacity to create desired results gives them confidence to recognize and stretch for what truly matters.
Through the practice of creating small and medium-sized results, they become conscious of what matters to them, and what they truly want to create.
With practice, vision becomes clearer. Purpose emerges. Energy grows. Stories shift. Competence and confidence increase
So creating, coupled, with the resilience to accept failure, bounce back quickly from setbacks and try, try again, makes it easier to create what matters - with whatever you have to start with.
Not a bad set of skills to have, eh?
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• For more on the notion of deliberate practice and the 10,000 hours research, see:
"10,000 Hours to Success! Harness The Power of Passion, Persistence, and Practice,"
http://bruceelkin.hubpages.com/hub/10-000-Hours--The-Awesome-Power-of-Practice
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COACHING INFO PACKAGE AND F.REE COACHING CHAT
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How are you doing with your New Year's Resolutions and other goals?
Research shows that those who avail themselves of supportive structure and feedback create results more efficiently and effectively than those who don't!
Coaching can help you organize and align your visions, reality and actions, generate the energy to persist and persevere, and help you turn your visions into reality!
I have space for 2 clients in Feb/March. And 3 spaces for March/April.
If you'd like more info, send me an e-mail with "Coaching Package" as subject.
I'll send you my fr.ee 7-page info package. No obligation! No pressure!
And feel free to request a f.ree 45-minute chat to see if my coaching is right for you and your needs and desires. More info in the Coaching Package.
Here's what another happy client had to say about working with me:
"Your life coaching has had a profound impact on my life, both personal and professional. You have a very special way of challenging clients in a firm but gentle way to look above the smog to see the top of the mountain."
— Les Brost, Pres., Southernstar Communications, Edmonton, AB
And you?
What's your dream? What do you want to create?
If not now, when?
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VIDEO:
Fleetwood Mac: Which album was their break-out record?
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This weeks' video features author Malcolm Gladwell talking about deliberate practice, the 10,000 hour rule and how it takes bands such as Fleetwood Mac and The Beatles many years and much practice to become "overnight sensations."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPCOMtJL6vA&feature=player_embedded
Only 5 minutes but very illuminating and entertaining. Do check it out!
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QUOTABLE QUOTES
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"No mistake or failure is as bad as to stop and not try again."
– John Wanamaker, Entrepreneur
" Practice puts brains in your muscles."
– Sam Snead, Golf Champion
"Knowledge is just a rumour until it gets into your muscles."
– African Proverb
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within."
– Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, Author
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act, but a habit."
– Aristotle
"Be of good cheer. Do not think of today's failures, but of the success that may come tomorrow. You have set yourself a difficult task, but you will succeed if you persevere; and you will find a joy in overcoming obstacles."
– Helen Keller
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FURTHER READING: SIMPLICITY, RESILIENCE & SUCCESS
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You can access my book:
• Simplicity and Success: Creating the Life You Long For!
and my ebooks:
• THRIVE! Creating What Matters in Challenging Times & Beyond!
• Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods & Create What Matters!
• The ABCs of Emotional Mastery: A Workbook
• Creating Sustainable Success: Five Problems with Problem Solving -
And What We Can Learn From Them About
Creating Rich Yet Simple, Healthy, and Sustainable Lives!
at: http://www.bruceelkin.com/simplicity.html
Click on the covers for more info for each book.
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Questions? Or comments? Feel free to email me.
Cheers!
Bruce
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Copyright (c) 2011 by Bruce Elkin. All rights worldwide reserved.
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