This Week's Focus:
CREATING A FLOURISHING LIFE!
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"Flourishing encompasses both feeling satisfied with your life and also functioning well in it. The way psychologists assess the second part is whether people feel as if they are learning, growing, and making contributions to society."
—Barbara Fredrickson
Hi All,
On the weekend I took a a post-lunch walk along the path that overlooks the Strait of Juan de Fuca. Cloudless blue sky, sun sparkling off rippling water, the whole Olympic range standing out in gorgeous contrast, and a couple of kayakers slowing, gently moving through the scene. Breathtaking!
As I walked, I passed a man talking on a cell phone. I heard him say, "I'm just finishing a two hour walk and I gotta tell you this is the most beautiful place on Earth." His face and eyes sparkled like the sun off the water below.
His comment made me smile. Both of us were experiencing positive emotions, one of the basic components of a flourishing life. Being outside in fine weather for at least 30 minutes has been shown to improve people's mood. It was sure improving this stranger's mood, and mine.
Flourishing, Thriving!
And it was no doubt moving us both toward and even beyond the fascinating 3 to 1 ratio of positive to negative moments that is the tipping point at which we begin to truly flourish and feel happy. The point at which we really start to thrive!
Simply put, "to flourish" means " to be strong and healthy and to grow well, especially because conditions are right."
However, we don't have to wait until the "conditions are right." We can take charge and create the right conditions in numerous ways.
Going outside for 30 minutes in good weather, and consciously creating a better than 3 to 1 ratio of positive to negative emotions during your day are just two of the ways you can create the conditions under which you'll flourish.
The Flourishing Tipping Point
In the Sept-Oct 09 edition of UTNE Reader magazine, positive psychologist Barbara Fredrickson talks about that 3 to 1 ratio beyond which we "tip" into a more positive, flourishing and happy life.
"Three to one is the tipping point, " she says. The healthiest thing would be to aim above—four to one, five to one, even six to one." That's where we truly start to thrive, where we flourish even if the conditions aren't perfect.
Fredrickson also points to research by John Gottman at the U of Washington showing married couples who share a five to one (5-1) ratio of positive to negative interactions create solid—flourishing—marriages.
Those couples who don't achieve this ratio tend to slip into a downward spiral of negativity. The ratio of those on the slippery slope toward divorce is 1-1, or less.
Fredrickson also states that only 20% of American adults thrive. The rest are just getting by, or worse. Upwards of 60% of US adults feel like they just going through the motions. Or as Thoreau said, "…living lives of quiet desperation."
Money Is Important But Not As Much As You Might Think!
Flourishing is not just about the money—or lack of it—for most people!
When basic survival needs are met, accumulating more money and material stuff does little to increase your level of flourishing.
Even people living on the streets or with challenging illnesses can flourish, especially when they're with friends and family, and when they are open to feeling excited when they encounter something new.
I saw an interview with a fellow who played for Canada in a recent Homeless World Cup soccer tournament. He was gushing with enthusiasm, grateful to have had such a mind-bending experience. Soccer had helped him turn his life around, get a job, a home and new supportive friends. He was flourishing.
Fredrickson says, "It's in the ordinary transactions of life—being with others and following your interests—that positive emotions grow. . . . Affluence isn't necessary."
What's Your Positivity Ratio?
Positive emotions are so important that getting your ratio to 3 to 1 and beyond can not only make you feel better, function better and flourish in life and work -- it can add up to 10 years to your life!
So how do you know what your ratio is?
You can just pay attention and guesstimate how often you feel positive and how often you feel negative. You can keep a sheet of paper or a notebook close and write down your positive or negative feelings and note the ratio.
Or Fredrickson has a website http://www.positivityratio.com where you can assess how positive or negative you felt in the last day, and what your ratio is. Try it, it only takes 2 minutes.
But more important than your exact ratio is your desire to add positive emotions to your life every day. Just aspiring to be more realistically positive can bump up your ratio. It also helps you notice the positive emotions more, and the negative ones less.
This is not a prescription for becoming Pollyanna. You don't don’t have to get rid negative emotions.
"Negative emotions are necessary for us to flourish," says Fredrickson. It is the ratio of positive to negative that determines whether you flourish or not.
Increasing Your Positivity Day-to-Day
So how do you do it? How do you add positive emotions and flourish more?
"Be aware of the moment," says Fredrickson. Most moments are positive but we miss them because we're focusing on something negative in the past or future. So try to just be open to what is, and enjoy it (or some part of it).
Being kind can help up your ratio, and paying attention to those moments when you're being kind helps even more.
As well, being grateful for what others do for you, and for all the blessings you do have can help a lot.
Get outside in nice weather and enjoy it.
I find that laughing at myself when I get angry or frustrated turns a negative emotion into a positive one.
Instead of judging myself as a "klutz" or "an idiot", I just say, "Oops! There I go again, a good person up to no good." That almost always shifts me from positive to negative. (Thanks to Robert Fritz for this one.)
More sophisticated methods of increasing positivity include practicing mindfulness and loving kindness meditation, and what the great psychologist Albert Ellis called Rational Emotive Thinking (RET).
I describe RET exercises and outline numerous methods for adding positive emotions to your daily life in my e-book Emotional Mastery: Manage Your Moods and Create What Matters—With Whatever Life Gives You!
Finally, Fredrickson recommends that we continue to change and grow.
She also points out that we do both more when we connect with others, and learn from that connection. She recommends acting in "beautifully unpredictable" ways, and says, "Nobody grows by doing the same thing every day."
So vary your routine, look for opportunities to learn and grow, shift from a problem focused stance to a creating results stance, and be kind to yourself and others.
If you improve your daily positivity ratio, you can expect to experience more meaning and purpose in life.
You will find that you receive more social support (or notice the support that's already there more).
You'll experience fewer aches and pains and other physical symptoms of disease.
You'll be more effective at what you do. You'll be better able to savor the good things in life and see more and better ways to create what matters most to you.
And you'll sleep better.
Most important, you will increase your capacity to thrive in challenging times and to flourish in the face of adversity. Isn't that worth a little investment in practice? And maybe even getting some coaching help?
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Note: Barbara Fredrickson's new book Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive is available at local libraries, bookstores, and Amazon http://tinyurl.com/pos-book
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ARTICLES and NEW EBOOK!
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Two articles of mine that relate to vision and values are:
"Gratitude, Positive Emotions, and Success"
http://hubpages.com/hub/Gratitude--Positive-Emotions--and-Success
and
"Positive Emotions: Peak Performance In Body, Mind, and Soul"
http://tinyurl.com/Pos-Emotions
AND a version of my new ebook THRIVE! Create What Matters In Challenging Times & Beyond! is now available at Smashwords.com
http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/90569
Use coupon code YS68P to get a 90% discount.
Or if you really want to support my writing and work, feel free to pay the full price. I'd appreciate it. Thanks!
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VIDEO: Barbara Fredrikson Talks About the Positivity Ratio.
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In this fascinating video, positive psychologist Fredrickson describes how the 3 to 1 ratio of positive emotions to negative emotions can help you flourish — especially in challenging times.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hFzxfQpLjM
This is not "positive thinking" or "affirmations". It's much more grounded than either of those approaches — and much more effective. Fredrikson not only describes the ratio and how it works, but also why it works! Great stuff. Do check it out!
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QUOTABLE QUOTES
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"No work of love will flourish out of guilt, fear, or hollowness of heart, just as no valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now."
—Alan Watts
"Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."
—Helen Keller
"Each today, well-lived, makes yesterday a dream of happiness and each tomorrow a vision of hope. Look, therefore, to this one day, for it and it alone is life."
—Sanskrit Saying
"Never underestimate the value of relationships with others when times are tough. "The one-sentence version of resilience and happiness in general is, 'Other people matter,' "
-- Karen Reivich
"If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."
—Lao Tzu
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Would you like to flourish? To thrive with whatever life gives you?
To feel great and create what matters most to you?
Do you have a framework for getting started, and keeping on track and following through to completed, successful results?
If you need help figuring this out, and/or getting started, email me with "Coaching Info, Please" as the subject heading! I'll send you my fr.ee 7 page Coaching Information Package. It'll tell you about my f.ree chat offer.
I hope you have a flourishing week!
Bruce
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